dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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