I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
