dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
