My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
