I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
