So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
