I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
