bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
