Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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