went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
