She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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