I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You may now shotgun with the bride
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
