You really coming over, don't trick.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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