YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
