i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
