so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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