I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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