Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
