I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't turn off my feet"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
