I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
