I think I won the penis lottery.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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