Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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