i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
