i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize