he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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