so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
