Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
