I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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