hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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