So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
