I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
