He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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