What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
