I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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