your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
