I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
