Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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