bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is wine microwaveable?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
