Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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