How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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