drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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