it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
