on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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