Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize