I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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