bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
