I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
