i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
