you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
