The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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