Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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