Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
