woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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