chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
