so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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