I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
