alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We had to coat check the pizza.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
