i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize