Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So much Jack, so little girl.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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