the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
