Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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