how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
