Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
