i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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