I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
